No, ‘Get Married’ is Not Next on My List

For the past four years, my entire life has seemed to revolve around one mantra, “Graduate. Get an apartment. Get a job.” It’s what made me get my butt out of bed to commute to a 8:30am class and it’s what made me spend my summers working internships instead of working on my tan. I’m one of the very lucky few in life who have found that their passion is their job – I love my work. I love getting to accomplish things. I love having pure, unadulterated ambition.

So you can imagine by joy over the past few months as things finally started to come together. I proudly graduated from Loyola University in May, found a job in my ideal industry in July, and in August signed a lease for my own apartment. All of the pieces were falling into place and I could begin my adult life and corporate journey – right? Wrong.

The one comment that I seem to be getting over and over, from people close to me (and not so close, annoyingly enough) is that “All that’s left now is to get a man!” or “Next thing is to get married!”

come again? casual-girls-personality

It seems that recently, the words that come out of people’s mouths right after “Congratulations!” seems to be some sort of idiosyncrasy about my single status. Just because I’m a 22 year old female who now has an apartment and a job – I’m supposed to check-in and be done? I’ve completed the bare minimum and now my resources are best spent trolling bars to try and find my one true love who can really do the heavy lifting and bring home the bacon?

I’m not bitter (trust me, I know that sounds surprising, but I’m really not) and I do believe that love is wonderful and can bring out the best in people (and the batshit crazy, but that’s a different article). But why do I need to make some mythical list with all of life’s dream accomplishments?

Since when does being a single woman come with such an unspoken – yet always sometimes discussed – air of being pitiful? I’ve checked off all of these glorious boxes and now it has all been reduced to not yet checking off the one that ‘matters the most.’ Maybe before I graduated, there were so many different things I wanted to accomplish in life, all of them seem bundled together. Now, for whatever reason, getting married is the last thing on that list.

Except I don’t have a list. I have goals. Getting married isn’t one of them.

It might happen for me, it might not. Maybe I’ll be a crazy cat lady or the only aunt out of all of my sisters who erratically shows up at Christmas from an exotic country (goals). I could shock everyone and be married within a year. The point is that I don’t know and there’s no point in living life off of a list when life doesn’t work that way.

What does work, is work.

I plan on working my way to the top and I want my children in life to be the promotions I’ve received. Maybe marriage is in the cards for me. Maybe it isn’t. But the point is, I don’t care. When did getting married become the be-all-end-all of accomplishments? Why doesn’t getting your first job mean that people give you extravagant gifts? When two people get married they now have two jobs and two incomes. I guaran-freaking-tee that I need that Crockpot and a $50 Target card more than your second niece does. When did marriage become more impressive than getting a promotion or getting your first job?

Maybe it dates back to a time when it was much more popular for women’s jobs to be wives and mothers. I have nothing but adoration and respect for those women, their job is harder than mine.

But please don’t force those agendas on me – because the only thing left on my list is crush the glass ceiling.

23 thoughts on “No, ‘Get Married’ is Not Next on My List

  1. I Love you Molly Tullis and am so proud of you! Shatter that glass girl and have a blast doing it!❤️

  2. Love your POV on this! My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time so we ALWAYS get this question. although i thought i was ready to get married, i realized that it’s the idea of marriage and the preconceived notion that getting married means you’ve reached the ultimate “goal” that made me think it was the necessary next step. We’re just at the start of lives and like you, i have plans to work my way to the top. it’s important for me and my boyfriend to feel fulfilled in our own lives before we can start one together.

    and i agree, graduating, finding a job and starting a career is a thousand times more important than getting married and that definitely needs to be celebrated.

  3. Molly!!
    You are so freaking awesome!!
    Congrata on the new joB and apartment!
    I couldnt be prouder of my amazing NiEce!!
    Love
    Aunt Carol

  4. On our second date, I said, I’m not getting married, If that’s what you want… move on to the next girl. Fast forward 5 years, we got married, fast forward another 6 years and every morning I’m still happily amazed this is my life. I too never had ” find husband” on my to do list… but it happen. I BELIEVE that Since it wasn’t forced it’s more fun!
    It will happen for you if it’s meant to be.
    Best of luck.

  5. I’ve never felt lIKE GETTING MARRIED IS A GOAL THAT ONE SHOULD HAVE. i LOVE BEING MARRIED, BUT i WOULD CONTINUE TO LIVE OUT MY DREAMS EVEN IF i WEREN’T. IN FACT THAT ONE OF THE MAIN THINGS THAT ATTRACTED MY HUSBAND TO ME (SO HE SAYS)- THAT I WASN’T LOOKING – JUST LIVING. GOOD ON YOU! XO http://WWW.LOVELIFEINCOLOR.COM

  6. When the right time comes, you will wright a different article about love, marriage and family. You’re 22 and it’s understandable. Enjoy your life. Marriage is beautiful thing at the right time!

  7. There are so many sentence In this article I could quote that just make me want to shout: THANK YOU! I’m so sorry people say those things, and I didn’t realize i’ve been lucky to *not* hear them. Luckily, even though my boyfriend and i live together, my parents are not pushing marriage at a young age (I’m 23, he’s 26). the 20s are such an important time for career growth.

    keep kicking butt and congrats on your accomplishments!

    Hannah, http://www.thecatsandcoffee.com

  8. This is such a great read! I hate to break it to you mommy molly,but it never stops. Once I got married then the close and not so close folks want to know when you’re having kids. But don’t worry about them just crush that glass ceiling!

    -Dasha
    http://windycitywardrobe.com

  9. So happy that you graduated, found a job soon, and now have an apartment. Don’t worry about it, the expectations never stop coming. If you are dating then comes the question when are you going to get married, when are you going to have kids? And so on, and so on. I liked your post :))

  10. I’m with you, I just wish people would think before they ask those kinds of questions. I recently announced that I was going to graduate school in Ireland (seriously, the first Master’s in my family and the first move out of the country) and all most people can think/ask about is whether my boyfriend will propose while I’m over there. I wouldn’t be disappointed if he did, but that’s not what I just got a visa for. Not what I’m fighting for scholarships for. Not what I’m GOING for. For the moment, I’m just smiling at their misplaced good intentions and ignoring the implications that a man is what makes everything worth it. Great job on all of your recent accomplishments, and keep your head up!

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